The Natural Roller Coaster Ride

Today is the start of my third week as a natural woman. I must say I have had my share of ups and downs over these past three weeks. I read all about the wave of emotions women that have BC'd (big chopped) could possibly go through while going back to their natural roots, but I have to admit that I still wasn't quite prepared.

Each day, my hair grows on me, but I have days when I feel like the ugly duckling and am taken back to my junior high days. And other days when I feel like I could be the Next Top Model, like my college days. I continue to learn daily how to care for my hair and am still playing around with various products to find the one(s) my hair likes. My husband told me the other day that I spend more time taking care of my hair now than I did when I had a relaxer. He is correct. Each day I come home and survey my hair to see how it held up over the course of the day, in addition, to sitting on the couch for a few hours watching YouTube videos of other natural women sharing products, hairstyles, or just sharing an uplifting word to newbies like myself.

This weekend I traveled home for my uncle's retirement party where I saw family, former colleagues, and friends. Everyone had nothing but positive things to say about my new look. Hair is such a simple four letter word, but it's amazing how powerful it is. Each day I grow stronger and start to believe it when I say that my hair doesn't define me. I downloaded India Arie's, "I Am Not My Hair" and sing it each day like an anthem. It probably doesn't help that I have always been insecure about my looks partially due to growing up being the tallest girl in my school where I was affectionately called Big Bird, Olive Oyl, tree, and the list goes on. So, those childhood memories of being the tall, skinny, big-teethed, brace-faced, big glasses faced girl all resurfaced.

So, this weekend was major for me. In addition, to the party one of my brother's best friends passed away, so several of his friends were in town. Many of them I had not seen in years and being that they view me as a little sister I knew they would have no problem with candor in reference to my hair. Again, I am my worst critic as I received nothing but double takes and positive comments the entire night. I was stylin' in my pink and green tee emblazoned with the phrase, "Thank God I'm Natural" along with the silhouette of a natural haired female.

While in the ladies room, my sister and I were approached by a lady who said, "You are both such beautiful sistas." We politely thanked her and I walked back to our table holding my head just a wee bit higher. We can all say that we don't need the affirmation of others, but it does feel good. I will end with my mantra, as of late (sing it with me):

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am not your expectations no 

I am not my hair 

I am not this skin 

I am a soul that lives within

Until next time my friends.

aWordfromSmith

Me and my cousin, Trish

My sister and my sister-cousin (fellow naturals)

Me (Week 2)

The Big Chop!

I still can't believe I did it. As of, June 2, 2011, a week from today, I am now sporting a TWA (teeny weeny afro). I have mixed emotions about the entire ordeal. Going natural was a difficult decision and it scared me, but my fears have subsided--somewhat. I have written about my fears surrounding the lack of social acceptance and so forth, but that is not even the issue anymore. I'm really dealing with Tanisha more so than anything. My acceptance of how I look and not comparing my hair to others. Yes, I read all of this prior to going natural but until you are in it all the way it doesn't really mean anything.

I do have to tell the story of my journey last week at the salon. I arrived at 4:00 pm (on time--as usual) and I did not leave until 9:00 pm. If nothing else motivated me to go ahead and chop it all off, the wait in the salon did. My stylist is male and I don't expect him to understand this process, but he wasn't very sensitive either. He looked me in the eyes and asked me why I wanted to go natural as if there was something wrong with it like he needed me to convince him. Going natural for me is not a fad nor a trend. I guess some people get tattoos, wear certain clothes, get piercings, etc. because of the latest trends but taking the journey to "naturaldom" is definitely not a trend. You learn so much about yourself and those around you that you can't help but grow as a result. But back to the story...I gave my stylist the quick and dirty version of "the why." I want healthy hair, I no longer want to put chemicals in my hair, I want to live with the hair God gave me, and I wanted to add I'm tired of being at the mercy of stylist like you, but I held my peace.

As if the explanation wasn't enough, the saga continued. The shampoo girl calls me back and was about to comb my hair out in the regular area where the other ladies were being curled or permed, but Mr. Stylist quickly gave her a look of death and instructed her  to take me to the back where the shampoo bowls were located, out of site.  Really? It was like HE was embarrassed. Maybe he thought he was doing me a favor, but I didn't see it that way. After my wash, the shampoo girl places a towel over my head as she walks me to the hair dryer again like she thinking, "Lord please don't let anyone see this woman's hair."

Once I finally got into the "hot seat" the commentary kept coming. After he cut my hair he suggested I get a texturizer. Again I think, really? Didn't I tell you four hours ago that I am going natural? I politely said,"Isn't that a chemical? He noted that it was but not as harsh a perm. Geez! This dude is, as you can read, not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I declined his offer and proceeded to pay for my services. As a last dig before I left he told me to make certain that I didn't let my husband know that he cut my hair.

Wow! I was just blown away but chalked it up to ignorance and thanked God He blessed me to not be a simple-minded person. It goes without saying that I will never return to that salon for a trim, color, shape-up, nothing. I guess it was a blessing in disguise because having to deal with such ignorance just made me stronger in my convictions.

In the end, this entire ordeal made me feel more powerful with each word, each passing moment, each snip of hair that fell to the ground.

aWordfromSmith

Life After Braids

Day before yesterday I started the process of taking down my braids. I have never worn braids before and heard horror stories about the removal of braids in reference to the tedious  process in addition to possible breakage. Sadly, I experienced both. I am thankful to have a husband that was willing to help. I completed the process on last night and as my natural hair was revealed bit by bit I slowly started thinking...what have I done?

My hair looked like Don King. I could barely get water to the roots and let's not talk about tangles and knots. I applied leave-in conditioner and coconut oil to soften my hair to hopefully make it somewhat manageable. I started trying to comb it in sections, but gave up hope. I wrapped my hair in a silk scarf and called it a night. So, I am in a state of sheer panic and I must admit feeling a bit vulnerable.  

I wish I had the summer months off and could transition in isolation. Having to transition in front of peers and answer questions is the worst. Today, as you can see in my picture, is a hat day. I had a conversation with my husband last night and he reminded me of things I knew, but I guess forgot once my transition became a reality. I was reminded that I have read and researched everything about natural hair and didn't make this decision on a whim. I thought hard and prayed hard before making the choice to go natural. And it's just that...my choice. This is definitely an experience that will make me stronger and more confident in the inner workings of me.

I have a hair appointment today with my regular stylist and I'm not sure what will come from this visit. So...this story is to be continued after my 4 o'clock. I solicit your prayers.

aWordfromSmith

Transitioning with braids