Like-Minded

You may or may not notice but I changed the title of my blog from Creamy Crack to All Things Natural since my writing is taking a different turn from being only about hair to now about whatever is on my mind (scary...I know) but eventually everything finds its way back to being about my journey with all things natural. This entry is about books. I love reading and have always been a lover of words. There is such power in words. Words can build you up or tear you down. Words cause wars or form treaties. Don't you just love words? I have a children's book titled Max's Words by Kate Banks and Max and I both share this same passion for words.

Don't you just love this cover?

Onto the purpose of this entry. I feel as if something is missing in this one area of my life. I connect with all kinds of naturalistas through the web, but I am coming to realize now that  I am in need of another circle. A social circle. I guess that's what you would call it. I am one who has always kept a small circle of friends and that is just the way I like it, but I am not thinking of friends per se rather like-minded people that I can connect with on occasion to discuss a book, healthy lifestyle choices (food, hair, exercise, etc.), discuss hot topics, etc. I don't have that currently in my life and I'm yearning for it. As Donkey sang in Shrek, "I'm all alone there's no beside me."

I read a book called Showing Mary recently, although it is a book I've had for years, but it called me one day. I looked everywhere for the book in my home and then in bookstores, turns out it is out of print except for electronically. I later realized I couldn't find the book because I gave my original copy away to a colleague back in 2006 before I read it cover to cover. Don't ask why because my logic is flawed at times especially when someone asks me for a book. Anywho, Showing Mary is about the relationships we foster in our lifetime and the author makes comparisons to Mary and women of today. Weems talks about "partnering with people who share your passion for life and for learning new things." She hit the nail on the head. I recently reconnected with a longtime friend and I reached out to her as a result of many things, but one of them is as a result of reading this book. She had been heavy on my heart and turns out I was on hers. You don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of, and the few friends I have I am absolutely certain about so I dare not let them go.  As I have matured, I have learned to value my friendships. Baraka, whom I affectionately call B, is standing in the middle in the pic below. She is the one with whom I have recently reconnected.  We lost contact, but I am thankful we have found our way back to one another. I'm sad to say but the soror in the white shirt on the right recently passed so her death only made me certain that I don't take people for granted. We pay lip service to cherishing people while they are alive, but we allow things, not necessarily more important things but just stuff to get in the way. You make time for what's important is my motto so I have vowed to do just that.

Tomorrow is not promised. (Circa 1998)

Now, what I want to do is share a few of my ten latest reads that I'd love to have  conversations about with a group of like-minded people (in no particular order):

1. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
2. The Harbinger: The Ancient Mystery That Holds the Secret of America's Future by Jonathan Cahn
3. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
4. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
5. Showing Mary: How Women Can Share Prayers, Wisdom, and the Blessings of God by Renita Weems
6. Decision Points by George W. Bush
7. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
8. Hunger Games (Trilogy) by Suzanne Collins
9. Matched (Trilogy) by Ally Condie
10. Saving Grace and Fall From Grace by Ryan Phillips

I said ten but it is actually fifteen since two are trilogies and one set of two.  I'm the type of reader that if there is a second book I feel compelled to read it. It's crazy because I don't follow this same philosophy with movies. I don't really care for sequels in movies. It makes sense to me.

I don't think a read is complete until you talk about it with someone. (Again, don't follow the logic just roll with me please) Somehow discussing a read with another person makes it that much more enjoyable and meaningful. Here are a few of my favorite lines from the books listed above perhaps these quotes will move one of you reading this blog to want to read the book. A girl can try.

"The day I prayed to receive Christ was the day I stopped using Band-Aids and found the only permanent solution to my ails and woes. It was time to stop living in my own strength." from Saving Grace

"By all means, grow, change, but do it naturally. Why are you trying to cram yourself into some sort of mold you've made up in your head?" from Saving Grace

Here is a poem from Saving Grace:

I want to be white,

With skin so light and pale

Unhampered by the sun.

Smooth and pastel

Innocent and pure

Like freshly fallen snow.

Uninhibited and too beautiful to touch.

I want silky, shiny hair.

The kind that slides

Through your fingers

And lays dramatically against your back.

The kind that flows

From side to side when you 

Shake your head.

I want to be emaciated.

A frail shell, with rib bones

That protrude from beneath

My skin to greet the world beyond.

I want pelvic bones that poke 

Through my skirts and thighs

That never speak.

I want green, no, blue eyes

The better with which to see this culture

I want them gray or hazel, even purple.

Any color than dark brown.

Any color than what I am.

But if this should happen

When I went home,

They wouldn't know me.

And they wouldn't braid my hair

In beautiful corn row designs.

My nappy hair that doesn't flow.

There'd be no room in my concave

Stomach and mute thighs for

Food that speaks to my soul like

Comfort collard greens

Black-eyed truth

Cornbread fairytales

Macaroni rituals

Fried chicken lovin'.

And when they look into my eyes,

My big chocolate, almond, dark brown 

Eyes,

There'd be no recognition

Because blue, green, hazel, and even purple

Don't come with this history.

And aren't privileged to know its secrets.

Or feel its pride."

This poem moved me for so many reasons but mainly because as you may have read in my previous blogs I struggled with insecurities in regards to my looks when I went back to natural  and I'm sure those insecurities were only exacerbated through my hair but when I am honest I know they always dormant in my subconscious. But also because in an earlier entry titled Assimilation I talk about this very thing.

"...happiness it more than a choice; its a responsibility." from Fall From Grace

"The alarm had sounded, and they were vowing to silence it. And what happens Nouriel, if you silence an alarm? You keep sleeping." from The Harbinger by Johnathan Cahn --I guess this line can be taken out of the context of the book, but for me it says that you can't ignore the warning signs...don't silence the alarm people!

"...when you die and go to Heaven and meet your Maker, your maker is not going to ask, "Why didn't you discover the cure for such and such? Why didn't you become a leader? Why weren't you successful? Why didn't you do more? Why weren't you the best?" The only question the Maker will ask you in that precious moment is "Why didn't you become you?"  (this quote was one of those ah-ha moments) from Showing Mary

Here is a poem from Showing Mary:

I have given myself away to so many people that

I don't remember who has what part of me.

I have fallen in love so many times, I don't even

bother to get up anymore.

If this isn't love, what I'm offering him today, 

then I must tell him that is will just have

to do until the real thing comes.

He will just have to wait. Because I have

to wait...until I know what it is that I'm feeling.

I didn't know before. But now I do.

And now before it's too late,

God cleanse me from all the spirits clinging

to me that do not belong to me.

No wonder---

Teacher me how to love my Self.

Teach me how to love without giving up large parts

of myself.

Show me what it looks like to love and be free

at the same time.

Until then,

I can wait.

What else can you say? This poem needs to be shared with all of our young ladies. I see our young women giving too much of themselves away and they will have nothing left before they reach adulthood.

Thank you for reading.

aWordfromSmith

Mother's Day 2013 Reflections

Me at BGR!
(E wouldn't get in picture...
she wasn't camera ready)

One of the presenters

It has been a long time and I have allowed life to get in the way of my writing. This blog isn't so much about my hair journey rather feelings that have come about as a result of events that took place during my Mother's Day weekend.

I started my weekend with one of my long time friends and angels, Erika, whom I affectionately call E. Everyone needs a friend that no matter how much time has passed between the two of you, once you see each other it's as if no time has passed at all. E and I went to the Black Girls Run: Preserve the Sexy Tour. I started running a year ago while living in Tupelo, MS. Who knew I'd enjoy running, but I did. When I moved to Natchez last July I stopped running and I think it's partially because I don't have the beautiful parks in Natchez, MS like I did in Tupelo. Running was my release. The workshop on Saturday gave me the motivation I needed to get back on track, literally. More to come on my road back to a healthy me.

Teri, Erika, and I (and Reign) 2013

Teri, Erika, and I circa 2004

I spent the night at my other angel's house, Teri, and got to spend time not only with T but with her new beau, Kel, and Miss Reign. Being around Reign started the baby talk conversation again which lead to my heavy heart around Mother's Day weekend. I have come to accept the fact that having a child(ren) of my own may not be a part of God's plan for me. That acceptance didn't come easy and it is not something I've shared with many people. But lately I have gotten more of the "when are you going to have kids?" I take a deep breath and simply say, "whenever God decides to bless me with a child" or "I have 3800+ children and counting." Being in education for 15+ years I have touched the lives of many children and have been like a mother, counselor, confidant, psychologist, and the list goes on. Being a mother is more than just giving birth because I know so many females that have given birth, but are far from being a mother.

Reign!

I do wish people would be more thoughtful and not ask questions like this, but I have grown and try to no longer take offense. A quotable line is that you can't change others, you can only change yourself. As I have matured, I've mastered the art of letting people know when they have overstepped their boundaries in a polite but firm manner. I don't know if people see an educated, childless, married woman and think something must be wrong with me so they are compelled to inquire. All I know is I am going to continue living my life and impacting the lives of all the children that enter my life. 

Sissy, Pay, & I

My brother

To cap off the weekend, my family and I traveled to Vicksburg to visit my mother's grave site. Reflecting on my life without my mother always makes my heart heavy. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, sometimes through laughter and at times through tears, but she is always at the forefront of my mind. It saddens me that she didn't get to meet her grandchildren, see her little man Jamiel grow up, see that her daughters both followed in her footsteps and became educators, and the list goes on. But I am proud of the woman I am becoming and know that I am a work in progress all because of the values she instilled in me before she left this world.

Titi and her favorite girl

Thank you for reading. 

aWordfromSmith