Natural-versary

In three days I can officially say that I have been natural for one year. Wow! I can't stress enough how much I have grown as a woman through this process. I've read other natural women's blogs and some have written about people saying negative things around and to them about their hair. I must say that the only demons I've had to fight have been my own. My family and friends have all been supportive. Most of them admire my courage. It's kind of sad that we use the word courage when speaking of wearing your natural hair, the hair you were born with, the hair God gave you, but I digress.

Women going back to their natural hair has become prevalent in society. I see more natural women in magazines, commercials, billboards, etc. There are also loads of natural hair care lines with products for  all types of textures and the market is steadily growing. I recently returned from the Maryland/D.C. area and while there I got to hang out with my sister/cousin and we commented on how all we saw among black women were either naturals or weaves. And some of the weaves could be naturals underneath so there you go. My sister/cousin and sister are both natural, but they have chosen to loc their hair. My sister has traditional locs and my sister/cousin had sisterlocks. We have all supported one another throughout this process. We send one another pictures of everything from our hair growth, to new hair accessories, to our experiments with make-up. It's all new to the three of us and I'm blessed to have two of the people that I love dearest in this world to share this experience with.

My sister/cousin and myself

My sister

The 2011-2012 school year was my first year as an administrator at THS. Being an administrator at such a large high school afforded me the opportunity to have conversations with young ladies from such vast backgrounds. With my middle school background, being the high school was virgin territory and I loved every minute of it. I was the ninth grade administrator, but I had the pleasure of getting to know several seniors that were my office assistants. One young lady in particular and I grew close and I became the mentor for her senior project. She actually had another person as her mentor when school began, but over the course of the year she would come to my office frustrated about her project and I would talk her through it and eventually she asked her English teacher if she could change mentors and the rest is history. I can't recall the final title of her project but it was about being comfortable with who you are. She focused on self-esteem and how social media seems to play such an important role in young adolescent girls views of themselves. We talked about self-esteem as it relates to body size, hair, and clothing. I was able to mentor her and she in turn was able to serve as a mentor for many of my ninth grade girls. We came full circle. I love it!

I was asked to speak at a Black History Program for a local church. I used my favorite children's book I Like Myself as a resource for my speech. I decided to talk focus on the audience making black history versus the traditional rattling off of blacks in history and their accomplishments. I talked about the history of blacks from the perspective of how far would those people in history have come if they had chosen to focus on trivial things like hair and worry about how others perceived them. For us to focus on those superficial things borders insanity. I noted how we need to focus on being a good person, dreaming big,  and having self love or we will never prosper. One of the most powerful lines in the book reads:

"No matter if they stop and stare,

no person, ever, anywhere,

can make me feel that what they see,

is all there really is to me."

So simple, yet profound. We can't allow people to feel that what they see with the human eye is who we are because we so much more. There are depths and intricacies to me that it takes time to uncover with more than a mere glance or stare. I hope they got from my talk that WE give people power over us and this is something that should never happen.  I read the book aloud at the end of my talk and the children as well as the adults loved it. The illustrations in the book are beautiful in addition to the words being simple enough that regardless of age or background one can get the message. I also joked about the girl in the book having hair like me.

See the likeness? :-) 

But besides the speaking engagements I was able to talk with students on a daily basis.  I had one young lady get into an exchange of words with a young man in class because he called her hair nappy. Well, you know that struck a cord with me. I had a brief chat with her about her definition of nappy and how she felt about her hair. I have learned to use the word nappy in a positive connotation but for a thirteen year-old that is a hard pill to swallow. I dried her tears and she left my office feeling better. I encouraged her the rest of the year when I saw her in the hallway or in the classroom. Opportunities kept presenting themselves for me to encourage others throughout the year.

I am learning to pray and ask God for guidance in every aspect of my life. I know I am where He wants me to be at this point in my life and everything has happened for a reason and as Oprah would say it is "divine intervention." There is nothing better than having a sense of purpose. Whenever I used to go through a difficult time in my life I would hear my mother saying, "The Lord won't put on you more than you can bare" and I would think the Lord must have me confused with some other brown girl, but I now realize that I'm like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz..."I've had it all along."

My supportive husband

aWordfromSmith

Versatility

My how time flies. I haven't written in a while both on this blog and in my journal. Unfortunately, I have allowed life to get in the way and that shouldn't happen so I have rededicated myself to write and read daily. Being a lover of words, I have said before and continue to say that I know there is power in writing and I can't just talk the talk, as my mom would say, I must walk the walk. There is something therapeutic for me about the physical act of taking pen to paper and allowing my innermost thoughts to flow. Scary.

Let's flow...Today is February 15, I am about to enter my ninth month as a naturalista. I have gone from a TWA to single strand twists and now I pretty much rock two strand twists and twist outs. The first time I wore a twist out was to my girl's anniversary party in December. I rocked it!

Anniversary girl and I

I've read about the versatility of natural hair, but I am one who has to do it for myself--I'm a hands-on learner (educational joke). Anywho, so now I'm thinking I'm bold and blazing new trails until it is time to rock my new hair to work. Key the music. Dum...dum...dum.. dum...dummmmm...

Nothing was said at work, not that I expected anyone to say anything. I guess that's the nature of the beast. I don't really know if that's good or bad it just is. I can say that on Tuesday when the students returned they loved it and I know they would have no reservations telling me if they thought otherwise.

I went back and read some of the blogs from other naturals dispelling the myths that natural hair is not professional. I am the ultimate professional, so I had to tell myself for the millionth time that I would not allow my hair to define me. I rock my twist out with a suit and heels, a skirt and boots, jogging pants and running shoes, jeans and loafers, you name, I rock it.

Rocking my twist out to my ninth graders championship game

My first attempt at doing my own twists out

aWordfromSmith

Curse the cursor

Death to the blinking cursor
I know real writers say you must write everyday. I don't see how they do it if they don't feel inspired to write about anything. I've been wanting to write for quite some time, but the only thing I end up doing is watching the blinking cursor mock me. It taunts me in my dreams saying, "You don't have anything to share, girl." Well, I am going to prove Mr. Cursor wrong.

Natural attraction
What I have come to discover is that once you are comfortable in our own skin you will realize that it is infectious. I ran into a childhood friend recently and he asked the usual question, "What made you decide to go natural?" Well, I replied as I usually do when I'm asked that question by telling people I've gone back to natural seeing as natural is the way I was born. He went on to say how nice he thought the look was on me and he knew there were probably a lot more men hitting on me because he thinks most men find nothing more attractive than a natural woman. Hmph! Who knew?

Natural hair support
I've received so much support throughout this journey. One of my colleagues has a daughter that is natural and she ordered some Miss Jessie's samples for her hair, but she didn't like how the products reacted on her daughter's hair, so she brought me a bag full of sample products. Having those samples has afforded me the chance to try products I wouldn't have tried otherwise. She and I have talked about hair in the past and she has the desire but says, "I don't think I'd look right." I told her sometimes you have to take a leap of faith if it's something you want. Going back natural is one of those things you definitely shouldn't do until you are ready.

My support has come from family, friends, and strangers. One of my friends, Kellie, is so sweet and one my biggest fans. She jokingly says she wants me to put her name in my blog so she can say she knew me when. How can you feel insecure when you have this kind of support system in place? One of my other white friends doesn't want me to add her name because she feels that she asks crazy questions, when in actuality she doesn't. To me, that's how you learn and grow because I know I've asked her questions about her race that I didn't understand. You ask questions and don't make assumptions. I recently met her mother and her mother prefaced a statement to me with, "I hope I don't offend you, but I love your hair and you look like I'd imagine an African Queen would look." I didn't take offense, I took it as it was intended, as a compliment. Again, I may have some read this statement and take offense. To each its own. I won't go off on a tangent about we (all people) have become so hypersensitive. But just know I could write a blog about that topic.

Although my husband didn't say it aloud I know he had reservations about my cutting my hair off. One of my staple products quickly became Kinky Curly Leave-in Conditioner. I am about several hours from a Target, so I have to purchase products when I travel to an area that has a Target. Each time I went to Target they were out of conditioner. I talked about it so much, I guess, because my husband started stopping at various Targets unbeknownst to me in his travels as well. A few weeks ago he surprised me with four bottles of conditioner. How sweet... right? The conditioner showed that he not only supported my inner product junkie, but it was a simple gesture that let me know that he was there for me.

Accessorize
If you have followed my blogs you know I've watched YouTube videos, read blogs, books, articles, everything I could get my hands on about natural hair. The one thing I heard several times was to play up accessories and make-up so you don't feel masculine. I just started wearing earrings that dangle in the last year even before my natural journey. I am a stud girl through and through and always have been. When I say I was and am a plain Jane I am not exaggerating. As far as make-up was concerned, I wore lip gloss and eyeliner on occasion and that was about the extent of my make-up routine. So, when I big chopped I felt the need to wear larger earrings and apply make-up each day. This was very short lived. Don't get me wrong, I have continued to dabble in make-up and I do wear a bit of a dangle on the ear occasionally, but I don't over compensate because I don't feel masculine. If anything I feel more feminine now than I ever have. I strut, not walk; I am radiant, I don't flicker. I feel so regal each and every day I look in the mirror.

aWordfromSmith

No make-up, no earrings, just me

Feeling the Love

I know I write so sporadically, but I try not to write unless I am really full and have a story to tell. Well, today is the day. In my last blog I wrote about having bouts of feeling unattractive on my journey back to my natural hair. The last few days I've had several encounters with strangers that I will share in the following paragraphs.

This weekend I traveled to Jackson, MS to visit my family. My sister has been getting her hair cut by my brother's barber. I have been hesitant to do so. I realized that my hesitation came from fear of having to lose any strand of hair on my head. Lord knows I am trying to keep it all. I can joke about it now because I know how silly I have been. She made an appointment for me and thus begins my story.

Friday morning as I was looking in the mirror with my sister sitting on the bed behind me I asked her, "Do you think I really need a hair cut?" She said, "Don't go if you don't want, but I like my hair to be even all around and you seem to like yours to have a fly away look." Humph, maybe I do. She could see the wheels turning in my head. So she said, "Go get your hair trimmed and just make sure you are specific with what you want. Tell him you want a line and to shape it up. He will do exactly what you want." I decided if nothing else I did need a line. Then I asked, "How much does he charge?" She said, "I usually just give him a twenty, so I think it's around fifteen or twelve dollars." I frowned a bit and she was like,"Tanisha, that's way cheaper than what we were paying when we had relaxers plus I've never had to wait; you will be in and out in thirty minutes." She had a point. Nothing left to say, I told her I'd be back and for she and the girls to be ready to go when I returned.

The shop was around the corner, so I didn't have much time to think thankfully. I opened the door to the shop and the barber peeped his head through the window to let me know he'd be with me shortly. I was a few minutes early, so it wasn't a problem. As I sat there for few minutes, in comes a young man running late for his appointment. He doesn't look my way at first, but then he turns around and does a double take. "Nanny!" It was a friend of mine from college. I hadn't seen him in years. The fact that he calls me Nanny is a story for another day. We embraced one another and then he looked me up and down and proclaimed, "Girl, you look good!" This was definitely music to my ears. We sat and chatted for a few minutes until the barber and the young man whose hair he was cutting walked around the corner. "Tanisha?" I looked and it was an old high school friend who was getting up from the barber's chair. "What's up girl?" I can't tell you how long it had been since I'd seen him either. His first words were "You, too! Everyone is going natural." His mother, sister, and girlfriend were either sporting TWAs or braids on their journey back to natural hair. He asked my reason for doing the same and I explained about thinning hair in addition to being tired of being a slave to the hair salon he said these were some of the same sentiments he'd heard from the women in his life. He went on to say that it looked good on me, but he was also quick to say that isn't the case for all black women in his estimation. Men, I tell ya. Brutal honesty. We had a good laugh as he stood and talked to me as the barber was working his magic. We talked and caught up on how everyone was doing.

Once he left, the barber I had a little small talk and he too remarked that he liked my TWA. Coming from a man in his profession, I felt my head swell just a little :-). He finished my hair, handed me the mirror, and voila! I was transformed. It's amazing how much better my hair looked with a professional trim. This was just what the doctor ordered.

Over the course of the day, my sister and I encountered countless women that stopped to tell us how we were working our TWAs. When the two of us (my sister and I) are out and about together we do garner the attention of others but usually because of our height, this time all the focus was on our hair. All positive. All love. All good. You hear and see such negativity about black women through the media that it was wonderful to experience first hand how supportive we can be. The icing on the cake was today after church service.

I am new to the congregation, so every Sunday I try to sit a place different in the sanctuary each Sunday and get to know more members. As I sat down on the pew between two older ladies, one of them leaned over and told me that I was wearing my dress. I thanked her and this validated my mantra of simple is best. The dress I wore to church was an A-line khaki dress. No frills. I adorned it with pearls earrings, nothing else. At the end of service, another lady on the opposite end of my pew flagged me down to tell me that she loved my style. She told he how beautiful she thought I was and how my hair as absolutely gorgeous. Wow! I thanked her for her kind words and told her how much they meant to me because the decision to cut off my relaxed hair was not an easy one. She assured me that I wore it well and she looked forward to seeing me next Sunday.

God is amazing. I'm telling you He placed strangers in my path this weekend to give me the boost I oh so needed. Some people may read this and misconstrue my words to think I need peoples approval and that could be farther from the truth because if that was the case I wouldn't have made the decision to return to my natural roots in the first place. As I've said, I have my days when I feel good and others when my afro looks like Florida Evans from Good Times (not a good look on a thirty something young lady). I have no regrets. This journey is not a fad for me. Being who you are can never be a fad because I will never go out of style. But everyone has moments when you need to feel the love and it was all over me this weekend. Thanks for reading.

aWordfromSmith

My sister and I with relaxers

Pre hair cut

Post hair cut

Natural me!

The Natural Roller Coaster Ride

Today is the start of my third week as a natural woman. I must say I have had my share of ups and downs over these past three weeks. I read all about the wave of emotions women that have BC'd (big chopped) could possibly go through while going back to their natural roots, but I have to admit that I still wasn't quite prepared.

Each day, my hair grows on me, but I have days when I feel like the ugly duckling and am taken back to my junior high days. And other days when I feel like I could be the Next Top Model, like my college days. I continue to learn daily how to care for my hair and am still playing around with various products to find the one(s) my hair likes. My husband told me the other day that I spend more time taking care of my hair now than I did when I had a relaxer. He is correct. Each day I come home and survey my hair to see how it held up over the course of the day, in addition, to sitting on the couch for a few hours watching YouTube videos of other natural women sharing products, hairstyles, or just sharing an uplifting word to newbies like myself.

This weekend I traveled home for my uncle's retirement party where I saw family, former colleagues, and friends. Everyone had nothing but positive things to say about my new look. Hair is such a simple four letter word, but it's amazing how powerful it is. Each day I grow stronger and start to believe it when I say that my hair doesn't define me. I downloaded India Arie's, "I Am Not My Hair" and sing it each day like an anthem. It probably doesn't help that I have always been insecure about my looks partially due to growing up being the tallest girl in my school where I was affectionately called Big Bird, Olive Oyl, tree, and the list goes on. So, those childhood memories of being the tall, skinny, big-teethed, brace-faced, big glasses faced girl all resurfaced.

So, this weekend was major for me. In addition, to the party one of my brother's best friends passed away, so several of his friends were in town. Many of them I had not seen in years and being that they view me as a little sister I knew they would have no problem with candor in reference to my hair. Again, I am my worst critic as I received nothing but double takes and positive comments the entire night. I was stylin' in my pink and green tee emblazoned with the phrase, "Thank God I'm Natural" along with the silhouette of a natural haired female.

While in the ladies room, my sister and I were approached by a lady who said, "You are both such beautiful sistas." We politely thanked her and I walked back to our table holding my head just a wee bit higher. We can all say that we don't need the affirmation of others, but it does feel good. I will end with my mantra, as of late (sing it with me):

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am not your expectations no 

I am not my hair 

I am not this skin 

I am a soul that lives within

Until next time my friends.

aWordfromSmith

Me and my cousin, Trish

My sister and my sister-cousin (fellow naturals)

Me (Week 2)

The Big Chop!

I still can't believe I did it. As of, June 2, 2011, a week from today, I am now sporting a TWA (teeny weeny afro). I have mixed emotions about the entire ordeal. Going natural was a difficult decision and it scared me, but my fears have subsided--somewhat. I have written about my fears surrounding the lack of social acceptance and so forth, but that is not even the issue anymore. I'm really dealing with Tanisha more so than anything. My acceptance of how I look and not comparing my hair to others. Yes, I read all of this prior to going natural but until you are in it all the way it doesn't really mean anything.

I do have to tell the story of my journey last week at the salon. I arrived at 4:00 pm (on time--as usual) and I did not leave until 9:00 pm. If nothing else motivated me to go ahead and chop it all off, the wait in the salon did. My stylist is male and I don't expect him to understand this process, but he wasn't very sensitive either. He looked me in the eyes and asked me why I wanted to go natural as if there was something wrong with it like he needed me to convince him. Going natural for me is not a fad nor a trend. I guess some people get tattoos, wear certain clothes, get piercings, etc. because of the latest trends but taking the journey to "naturaldom" is definitely not a trend. You learn so much about yourself and those around you that you can't help but grow as a result. But back to the story...I gave my stylist the quick and dirty version of "the why." I want healthy hair, I no longer want to put chemicals in my hair, I want to live with the hair God gave me, and I wanted to add I'm tired of being at the mercy of stylist like you, but I held my peace.

As if the explanation wasn't enough, the saga continued. The shampoo girl calls me back and was about to comb my hair out in the regular area where the other ladies were being curled or permed, but Mr. Stylist quickly gave her a look of death and instructed her  to take me to the back where the shampoo bowls were located, out of site.  Really? It was like HE was embarrassed. Maybe he thought he was doing me a favor, but I didn't see it that way. After my wash, the shampoo girl places a towel over my head as she walks me to the hair dryer again like she thinking, "Lord please don't let anyone see this woman's hair."

Once I finally got into the "hot seat" the commentary kept coming. After he cut my hair he suggested I get a texturizer. Again I think, really? Didn't I tell you four hours ago that I am going natural? I politely said,"Isn't that a chemical? He noted that it was but not as harsh a perm. Geez! This dude is, as you can read, not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I declined his offer and proceeded to pay for my services. As a last dig before I left he told me to make certain that I didn't let my husband know that he cut my hair.

Wow! I was just blown away but chalked it up to ignorance and thanked God He blessed me to not be a simple-minded person. It goes without saying that I will never return to that salon for a trim, color, shape-up, nothing. I guess it was a blessing in disguise because having to deal with such ignorance just made me stronger in my convictions.

In the end, this entire ordeal made me feel more powerful with each word, each passing moment, each snip of hair that fell to the ground.

aWordfromSmith

Life After Braids

Day before yesterday I started the process of taking down my braids. I have never worn braids before and heard horror stories about the removal of braids in reference to the tedious  process in addition to possible breakage. Sadly, I experienced both. I am thankful to have a husband that was willing to help. I completed the process on last night and as my natural hair was revealed bit by bit I slowly started thinking...what have I done?

My hair looked like Don King. I could barely get water to the roots and let's not talk about tangles and knots. I applied leave-in conditioner and coconut oil to soften my hair to hopefully make it somewhat manageable. I started trying to comb it in sections, but gave up hope. I wrapped my hair in a silk scarf and called it a night. So, I am in a state of sheer panic and I must admit feeling a bit vulnerable.  

I wish I had the summer months off and could transition in isolation. Having to transition in front of peers and answer questions is the worst. Today, as you can see in my picture, is a hat day. I had a conversation with my husband last night and he reminded me of things I knew, but I guess forgot once my transition became a reality. I was reminded that I have read and researched everything about natural hair and didn't make this decision on a whim. I thought hard and prayed hard before making the choice to go natural. And it's just that...my choice. This is definitely an experience that will make me stronger and more confident in the inner workings of me.

I have a hair appointment today with my regular stylist and I'm not sure what will come from this visit. So...this story is to be continued after my 4 o'clock. I solicit your prayers.

aWordfromSmith

Transitioning with braids