40 days to 40 countdown begins

The countdown to 40 begins today...

     Today, September 21, the countdown begins. I have 40 days until I turn 40 years of age. Time waits for no one. I have never been one to get depressed about growing older and I attribute that to the death of my parents. Both of my parents passed before they reached the age of 45, so I never take another year to get it right for granted.

     Side note: Do you know the song September by Earth, Wind, and Fire? I find myself singing the first line..."Do you remember the 21st night of September?" I even have a theme song for my countdown.

     September 21 is the last day of summer and we officially transition to fall. I find it serendipitous that this transition occurs as I begin my transition. I must admit I almost got caught up in the turning 40 hoopla that one must throw this elaborate celebration with all the bells and whistles. I started planning one such celebration in this grandiose fashion but then I started reflecting and decided against such a thing. In all honesty, I can't tell you the last time I had a birthday party but I would guess to say it was around elementary school.

     The idea that I should be vying for a party with free-flowing liquor, dressed to impress and on a mission to get inebriated holds zero appeal for me. I can find better things to do with my money (shoe shopping for starters). I know this is a milestone moment, a marker in my adulthood, a time to reflect on my achievements and my future goals, but for some reason, that type of celebration just doesn't match one actually transitioning into adulthood with deep reflection. Don't get it twisted, it's not that I don't love a good glass of wine and an opportunity to listen to old school music that will allow me a chance to dance until I break a sweat (Remember that line in Waiting to Exhale?), rather  I want my 40th celebration to reflect where I am today. And all of that listed above is not even an iota of my life or who I am. That is a caricature of a woman turning 40 and not representative of me.

     I am one who enjoys quiet evenings at home reading a good book or watching Oprah's Master Class, Oprah's Lifeclass, Golden Girls and The Cosby Show reruns, or hanging with friends and playing Phase 10. I like organizing things and online shopping. Nothing about my life screams, "Where the party at?" So, I don't feel the need to do so now. Isn't that what turning 40 is all about? Being able to come into your own and doing things your way with no apologies. My circle of friends is small and I would rather have an intimate celebration with those that know the Tanisha of today, not the one from high school or college. It is difficult with everyone being busy with life that my friends and I find time to just enjoy the company of one another without interruptions or time constraints, so that's my birthday plan, four weekends during month of October filled with small celebrations surrounded by people that mean the world to me. I also plan to take time each day to celebrate 40 people that have had a major impact on my life. Let the countdown begin...

To be continued...

aWordfromSmith


 

Living Among Giants

The title says it all. I will speak of myself, but my hope is that you will relate. I know that I live in a world among giants. This is nothing new, but often I read things that aid in clarifying an idea for me. I just finished reading David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell and this book has helped to put words for what I already knew.

I realized that just because I am David doesn't mean I can't conquer my Goliath's in this world. The biggest giants I face are at work. If you are in the field of education you are David, no doubt about it. If you know the story, you know that David, despite his size, beat Goliath much to everyone's surprise. It doesn't matter your job title or the number of degrees you have, we all face giants. Currently, I am faced with several giants, but I am slaying them one at a time. It amazes me that education is one of those fields where everyone outside the field of educations knows more than the educators charged to make the decisions. Just because everyone went to school doesn't mean you know how to run one effectively. Times change and just because it worked when you were in school my questions is, "Do you really think those same practices will work in 2014?" Look at this new generation of students, technology, accountability, testing, you name it. Our society has changed tremendously.

We (educators) are charged with the biggest responsibility and that is to educate our young people. There is no room for favors or politics. Are we doing what is best for children or what is best for adults? Too often we make decisions based on what's best for adults. How backwards is that? Does it make sense? It doesn't, yet there are those that continue this practice and want everyone else to follow this same path as well.

I am passionate about what I do, and I will continue to be an advocate for our children that are often an afterthought. It is unfortunate that because I believe in putting children first I have to fight daily just to do what is right.

My minister has said that sometimes you have to go through storms to increase your faith and I believe that because I am definitely in the midst of a storm, but I am holding steadfast in knowing that I will come through this storm stronger and victorious. Often we are held back because of obstacles in our paths, but I know that God has given me the potential to overcome any obstacle, so I will continue to put in the work and reap the rewards in due time.

aWordfromSmith

Standstill

I have come to a standstill with my hair and I don't know what to do. I am at the point of needing a change. I feel as if I am stuck in length and hairstyles. My hair doesn't seem to be growing and I'm not certain what I'm doing wrong. I definitely keep it cleansed by washing it every two weeks. I clarify it with ACV once a month or more if needed to aid in ridding my hair of product build up. I can say that 95% of the time my hair is in protective styles. I deep condition almost ever time I wash my hair. I have read conflicting messages about trimming so I do so sparingly.

Last summer, I had Havanna twists installed and I think I either kept them in too long or I can't do synthetic hair. Either way when I took them out my hair wasn't a strong as it was before I had them put in my hair, so I may partially be still recovering from that fiasco.

Currently, I switch between two strand twist, twist outs, and bantu knot outs. I'm bored with these styles. I want to straighten my hair, but I have read horror stories about heat damage, so I decided to wait until I find a natural hair stylist that I trust to straighten it or I get the nerve to try it myself.

This is my 40 year so I am all about go big or go home so to change things up a bit perhaps a nice cut would help. I don't really care about length but I do want healthy hair. Hmmm....change is a coming.




aWordfromSmith

20/20

   I wrote this on 12/29/13 (late post).
 
     Exercising is bad for your health. That's my story and I have the scars to prove it. Kidding about the health, but not about the scars.

     On the road to becoming a healthier me, I started getting up each morning at 5 am to go walking/jogging. Tuesday morning, August 20, I didn't want to get up and contemplated not going except I knew the next day I had to attend a meeting out of town and wouldn't be able to run so because I didn't want to miss two consecutive days I forced myself to get up. You know how they say hind sight is 20/20, well I wish I had followed my first mind and stayed in bed.

     My run started like any other day, the weather was actually cooler. We passed the two little old ladies on their routine morning walk and as I was finishing my first lap I looked to the right for Mr. Owl that I call "Old Man Owl" because I swear he sounds more like an old man than an owl and then it happened. I tripped over the reflector in the road and went sprawling on the concrete face first. Ouch! First, I was in shock. My husband turned around and helped me up and I hobbled home. Luckily, we were only two houses away. I could feel the blood running down my leg and my chin was stinging. I entered the house and sat in the chair as Rod ran to the back of the house for the first aid kit. He flipped on the light on his way to the back of the house. I look down to see the damage and I screamed, "ROD, THERE'S A HOLE IN MY KNEE!" He was so freaking calm that it was unreal. Once I saw the hole I grabbed the garbage can and threw up. I don't have a weak stomach, but something about seeing a hole on my body where there shouldn't be one did something to me. Ugh! Needless to say after this we got in the car and headed to the hospital. Little did I know this was my first mistake. Yes, first. The accident was bad but going to the hospital in Natchez was worse.

Picture taken at hospital

     I didn't know until after I kept having issues with my leg that I shouldn't have gone to the hospital. Everyone I encountered said, "I never go the hospital in Natchez" or "I don't see any doctors in Natchez." Really? Who knew? Hospital, emergency at 5:15 am ummmm...what was I thinking? Well, the ER doctor did an X-ray but I later found out that he didn't clean my leg and he shouldn't have stitched it they way he did. I found this out three doctors and one nurse practitioner later.
     My issues were endless and I won't bore you but I will share the graphic pictures and you will understand. To put this in perspective for you, I ended up having two different pain medicines, two different shots of antibiotics, t, a tetanus shot, and two creams. I feared an infection and I did end up with a low grade staph infection.

I can tell this story better with pictures, but just know that they are a bit gross. You will see pictures on the progression of my knee. One picture you can clearly see the stitches that were left in my knee by the E.R. doctor. After my initial fall and stitches the E.R. doctor said I could come back to them and have the stitches removed. Since I didn't have a doctor in my area I decided to return to the hospital in ten days as advised to have them removed. The removal was painful and he didn't even clean it. He just cut them out and sent me packing. Really?!? Needless to say once the guck cleared out you can clearly see where several stitches were left in my knee. I went to a nurse practitioner next and she found three stitches that were left in my knee.

About a month later

Okay so the hole got progressively worse before it got better.

Day 1 (with stitches)

One week later

Sorry for the pictures being our of order but for some reason they didn't want to cooperate. The main thing you see is how much I went through with this knee. I won't share the amount of money I spent on doctors and finally having to travel two hours away to Jackson to have a new doctor (and final one) aid in the healing process. I will end by saying I fought with the pavement and the pavement won.

aWordfromSmith

Happy Grateful Day

(Singing) It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you without a strong word to keep you.

Hey, I kind of like that.Thanks Aaliyah! I took a few liberties with the words, but it has been a long time since I've shared a word or two. I know I'm corny.

By the time you read this it will be my birthday! Yaaaayyyyy! With everything that is going on around me in the world today I am thankful for each and every day that I am blessed to walk this earth. As a country, we have many days set aside as days of celebration from Labor Day to Thanksgiving Day. Regardless of your race, gender, religious affiliation (or not), we all take  time over the course of the year to celebrate someone past or present. We use that day to show an appreciation for things they have done or continue to do. I think my birthday should be heralded like these days. My birth is definitely a reason to celebrate.  Really, on my birthday, I don't celebrate myself, but my mother. Sounds a little crazy, but I didn't play a part in the process when I think about it...my mom and dad did all the work. LOL! Seriously though, I am grateful for the person I am and I owe that all to her.

My mother made you feel so loved and special on your birthday. I don't know if the radio stations still do this or not but when I was younger they would give birthday shout outs. My mom always listened to the gospel station, WOAD, so you would hear the deejay call your name first thing in the morning on the list of birthday shout outs. (Side note: I don't listen to the music radio stations anymore, just too much garbage. If I turn on the radio it is only to MPB/NPR.) This was one of her many traditions for  birthday celebrations.

She always woke you with a song, either a song she made up (my favorite kind) or an actual artist song; however, on this day, regardless of the song it was different.  I could hear the love in her voice as she sang whatever was the flavor of the day and through that song I heard how grateful she felt to have another day with me being a part of her life. How awesome is that? I find it difficult to really put into words how she made me feel.

From the onset of the day to the end,  she made certain you knew this was YOUR special day. Everyday with that woman was special and today I am grateful for her. She has ruined this day for everyone else in my life becasue none can compare. I have had some great birthdays but none have reached the number one spot held by my girl.

aWordfromSmith

Two Years and Counting

I can't believe June 2, 2013 made two years that I big chopped. Where has the time gone? I have learned so much about myself through this process. Instead of writing a bunch of stuff...they say a picture is worth a thousand words...My journey through pictures

Transition with braids (April 2011)

Teeny Weeny Afro (TWA)

June 3, 2011 (TWA) The morning afterI big chopped. 

October 2011 (TWA)

July 2011 (TWA)

TWA in the first month of big chop

Comb Twists

November 2011


Two Strand Twists

December 2011

May 2012

April 2013

Six Flags in San Antonio (April 2012)

Updo

Winter 2012

Back of updo

Twisted updo (October 2012)

January 2013

Two strand twist out

Football Season 2011

May 2012

Winter 2012

November 2012

February 2013

March 2013

January 2013

April 2013

Like-Minded

You may or may not notice but I changed the title of my blog from Creamy Crack to All Things Natural since my writing is taking a different turn from being only about hair to now about whatever is on my mind (scary...I know) but eventually everything finds its way back to being about my journey with all things natural. This entry is about books. I love reading and have always been a lover of words. There is such power in words. Words can build you up or tear you down. Words cause wars or form treaties. Don't you just love words? I have a children's book titled Max's Words by Kate Banks and Max and I both share this same passion for words.

Don't you just love this cover?

Onto the purpose of this entry. I feel as if something is missing in this one area of my life. I connect with all kinds of naturalistas through the web, but I am coming to realize now that  I am in need of another circle. A social circle. I guess that's what you would call it. I am one who has always kept a small circle of friends and that is just the way I like it, but I am not thinking of friends per se rather like-minded people that I can connect with on occasion to discuss a book, healthy lifestyle choices (food, hair, exercise, etc.), discuss hot topics, etc. I don't have that currently in my life and I'm yearning for it. As Donkey sang in Shrek, "I'm all alone there's no beside me."

I read a book called Showing Mary recently, although it is a book I've had for years, but it called me one day. I looked everywhere for the book in my home and then in bookstores, turns out it is out of print except for electronically. I later realized I couldn't find the book because I gave my original copy away to a colleague back in 2006 before I read it cover to cover. Don't ask why because my logic is flawed at times especially when someone asks me for a book. Anywho, Showing Mary is about the relationships we foster in our lifetime and the author makes comparisons to Mary and women of today. Weems talks about "partnering with people who share your passion for life and for learning new things." She hit the nail on the head. I recently reconnected with a longtime friend and I reached out to her as a result of many things, but one of them is as a result of reading this book. She had been heavy on my heart and turns out I was on hers. You don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of, and the few friends I have I am absolutely certain about so I dare not let them go.  As I have matured, I have learned to value my friendships. Baraka, whom I affectionately call B, is standing in the middle in the pic below. She is the one with whom I have recently reconnected.  We lost contact, but I am thankful we have found our way back to one another. I'm sad to say but the soror in the white shirt on the right recently passed so her death only made me certain that I don't take people for granted. We pay lip service to cherishing people while they are alive, but we allow things, not necessarily more important things but just stuff to get in the way. You make time for what's important is my motto so I have vowed to do just that.

Tomorrow is not promised. (Circa 1998)

Now, what I want to do is share a few of my ten latest reads that I'd love to have  conversations about with a group of like-minded people (in no particular order):

1. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
2. The Harbinger: The Ancient Mystery That Holds the Secret of America's Future by Jonathan Cahn
3. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
4. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
5. Showing Mary: How Women Can Share Prayers, Wisdom, and the Blessings of God by Renita Weems
6. Decision Points by George W. Bush
7. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
8. Hunger Games (Trilogy) by Suzanne Collins
9. Matched (Trilogy) by Ally Condie
10. Saving Grace and Fall From Grace by Ryan Phillips

I said ten but it is actually fifteen since two are trilogies and one set of two.  I'm the type of reader that if there is a second book I feel compelled to read it. It's crazy because I don't follow this same philosophy with movies. I don't really care for sequels in movies. It makes sense to me.

I don't think a read is complete until you talk about it with someone. (Again, don't follow the logic just roll with me please) Somehow discussing a read with another person makes it that much more enjoyable and meaningful. Here are a few of my favorite lines from the books listed above perhaps these quotes will move one of you reading this blog to want to read the book. A girl can try.

"The day I prayed to receive Christ was the day I stopped using Band-Aids and found the only permanent solution to my ails and woes. It was time to stop living in my own strength." from Saving Grace

"By all means, grow, change, but do it naturally. Why are you trying to cram yourself into some sort of mold you've made up in your head?" from Saving Grace

Here is a poem from Saving Grace:

I want to be white,

With skin so light and pale

Unhampered by the sun.

Smooth and pastel

Innocent and pure

Like freshly fallen snow.

Uninhibited and too beautiful to touch.

I want silky, shiny hair.

The kind that slides

Through your fingers

And lays dramatically against your back.

The kind that flows

From side to side when you 

Shake your head.

I want to be emaciated.

A frail shell, with rib bones

That protrude from beneath

My skin to greet the world beyond.

I want pelvic bones that poke 

Through my skirts and thighs

That never speak.

I want green, no, blue eyes

The better with which to see this culture

I want them gray or hazel, even purple.

Any color than dark brown.

Any color than what I am.

But if this should happen

When I went home,

They wouldn't know me.

And they wouldn't braid my hair

In beautiful corn row designs.

My nappy hair that doesn't flow.

There'd be no room in my concave

Stomach and mute thighs for

Food that speaks to my soul like

Comfort collard greens

Black-eyed truth

Cornbread fairytales

Macaroni rituals

Fried chicken lovin'.

And when they look into my eyes,

My big chocolate, almond, dark brown 

Eyes,

There'd be no recognition

Because blue, green, hazel, and even purple

Don't come with this history.

And aren't privileged to know its secrets.

Or feel its pride."

This poem moved me for so many reasons but mainly because as you may have read in my previous blogs I struggled with insecurities in regards to my looks when I went back to natural  and I'm sure those insecurities were only exacerbated through my hair but when I am honest I know they always dormant in my subconscious. But also because in an earlier entry titled Assimilation I talk about this very thing.

"...happiness it more than a choice; its a responsibility." from Fall From Grace

"The alarm had sounded, and they were vowing to silence it. And what happens Nouriel, if you silence an alarm? You keep sleeping." from The Harbinger by Johnathan Cahn --I guess this line can be taken out of the context of the book, but for me it says that you can't ignore the warning signs...don't silence the alarm people!

"...when you die and go to Heaven and meet your Maker, your maker is not going to ask, "Why didn't you discover the cure for such and such? Why didn't you become a leader? Why weren't you successful? Why didn't you do more? Why weren't you the best?" The only question the Maker will ask you in that precious moment is "Why didn't you become you?"  (this quote was one of those ah-ha moments) from Showing Mary

Here is a poem from Showing Mary:

I have given myself away to so many people that

I don't remember who has what part of me.

I have fallen in love so many times, I don't even

bother to get up anymore.

If this isn't love, what I'm offering him today, 

then I must tell him that is will just have

to do until the real thing comes.

He will just have to wait. Because I have

to wait...until I know what it is that I'm feeling.

I didn't know before. But now I do.

And now before it's too late,

God cleanse me from all the spirits clinging

to me that do not belong to me.

No wonder---

Teacher me how to love my Self.

Teach me how to love without giving up large parts

of myself.

Show me what it looks like to love and be free

at the same time.

Until then,

I can wait.

What else can you say? This poem needs to be shared with all of our young ladies. I see our young women giving too much of themselves away and they will have nothing left before they reach adulthood.

Thank you for reading.

aWordfromSmith